The Simpsons: Arcade Game

Is there anyone who has ever been to an arcade and did not immediately fall in love with The Simpsons: The Arcade Game? There is just something so endearing and entertaining about the game that I specifically seek it out every time I visit an arcade. I actually feel that an arcade is not worth its weight in salt if it does not house The Simpsons: The Arcade Game.

The first time I ever played this game was at Pizza Hut in either 1994 or 1995. I remember I used to beg my parents to take me there at least once a week for a personal pie and some quality time with The Simpsons. I wasn't the only child who felt this way as there was always a line of kids waiting their turn to play the game and my pizza was usually a cold pizza brick by the time I got back to my table. On more than one occasion I totally neglecting my pizza in favor of a few more minutes of the game.

The Simpsons: The Arcade Game is a classic beat-em up that can be categorized as a button-masher. Being an arcade game, there were only two buttons - Jump and Attack - and one joystick for movement. The game play is incredibly simple as it consists of nudging your joystick towards and enemy and pounding away on the Attack button. The game is playable for up to four players and offers you the option of playing as either Homer, Marge, Bart, or Lisa (though I don't think I've ever used a character other than Bart. Bart was my childhood hero). Each character is equipped with their own unique fighting style - Homer is unarmed and uses his fists to do the talking, Marge wields a vacuum cleaner like a club, Bart thrashes enemies with his skateboard, and Lisa goes all Indiana Jones on baddies by using her jump rope as a whip. (Something I always wondered: exactly how strong is Marge? Is she some sort of superhero? Seems to me it would take quite a bit of strength to use a vacuum cleaner as a flogging device.)

The plot behind The Simpsons: The Arcade is so ridiculous that one can't help but appreciate it. The story goes that Mr. Burns' lap-dog Mr. Smithers has stolen a large diamond from one of Springfield's jewelry retailers and is on his was back to Mr. Burn's mansion when he bumps into Homer Simpson on the street. The collision is so jarring that Mr. Smithers drops the diamond and it lands near baby Maggie. Thinking the diamond is her pacifier, Maggie picks it up and puts it in her mouth. Smithers then does what any logical human being would do in that situation and kidnaps Maggie. The game begins with the Simpson family in hot pursuit of Mr. Smithers, battling a hoard of Mr. Burns' minions along the way. Now, the astute reader may have some questions regarding this storyline. In no particular order: Why would Mr. Burns have to steal a diamond when he is the richest man in Springfield? What would Springfield's richest, most elderly resident need with such a large diamond? Why would Smithers snatch up Maggie instead of simply grabbing the diamond back from her? Was it really necessary to add kidnapping to a laundry list of felonies? The quesitons are seemingly endless, and while they are all good questions, I'm afraid they are better left unanswered.

The player has to work his or her way through several levels that are designed in the mold of recognizable Simpsons locations. You fight your way through Downtown Springfield, do battle in Krustyland, pummel some enemies in Moe's Tavern, before finally reaching the Springfield Power Plant and facing off against Smithers and, ultimately, Mr. Burns himself.


Each level is concluded with a boss battle against a character or two who played minor roles in a few television episodes. My favorite boss fight takes place at the end of level 6 (Dreamland), and it pits the Simpsons family against one of Homer's bowling balls that has grown arms and come to life. This battle endears itself to me because of the sheer lunacy involved.

All the bosses have a high number of hit points and are difficult enough that you are almost gauranteed to be killed once or twice before defeating them. Also, each level is chock full of enemies employed by Mr. Burns to make your rescue mission a little bit harder. His hired guns are all pretty easy to defeat, three or four hits usually do the trick, but there are a few of them that can be a pain in the neck. One example were the guys in suits who wore bowler hats and used the hats as a projectile weapon, a la Oddjob of 007 fame. I hated these guys because their stupid hats were tough to dodge being that you couldn't jump over them and it took a surprising number of hits to kill them.

The Simpsons: The Arcade Game has withstood the test of time and stands as one of the best arcade games you can find. This is one of the rare arcade games that people will actually stand in line to play. I don't think I've ever seen this game in an arcade and didn't stop by to play a bit. The impulse to pop a few quarters into the machine and have a good time is just too strong and I can never just walk on by.


The replay value is extremely high as its game play is entertaining regardless of how many times you've played it. There is just something about the childlike simplicity of the game that makes it so addictive. While playing the game solo is a blast, I always try to get a few buddies to hop along side me and join in on the action.

But they can't use Bart. Bart's mine.